Like a leaf on the wind...

Interacting with some new friends, I've been given a few reasons to think about what's in "The Book". More correctly, I've been given some insights into how some people view what's in it. One person told me they were very interested in it - and that they realized that if you didn't think something was sin, then it wasn't.

It seems to me that The Book (I'm talking about the Bible here) is pretty clear on this - G-d says what is sin, not us. It's not up to us to say we think something is "ok" if the Bible clearly says it is "not ok".

At the same time, if someone doesn't know what's in The Book, then their concept of 'sin' is going to be different from someone who does know - but (and this is the hard part to swallow) that doesn't mean that its not sin and they they aren't accountable to G-d for it. It's still sin. Whether you or me or anyone else 'agrees' or 'thinks so', if G-d says it is a wrong thing, then it is a wrong thing.

But does this mean that those who have never heard, or don't know, and by this I mean genuinely don't know, not who know bu tfor this or that reason refuse to accept it because they don't 'agree' with it - does this mean they are bound for hell? Well, I think the truth is we are all bound for hell, and only one way to avoid that, and that remains the same for you, me, or the starving person in some for away land who never heard about this "Gospel". Is that harsh? Does that mean that the G-d I love is somehow cruel and unfair?

I don't think so. First of all, He makes the rules and decides what's fair, not me. Not you. Not the surpreme court. Not anyone or anything else. Just Him. But second of all, He is G-d. He can sort things out in ways we can't even imagine. If He really is who He said He was, then there's nothing keeping Him for sorting out a mans brief time on earth, and knowing that mans heart well enough to know everything he'd everdo, or decision he'd ever make if he _had_ heard or known. So how does this all play out in the functional? Is there some "second chance" for the lost person to hear and accept the Gospel after they die?

I doubt it. In fact, I think the Bible is pretty clear, once you die, if you rejected the Gospel prior, thats it. No second chance. But what it doesn't say is what happens if you _didn't_ reject it, but rather never heard it. Is the G-d I know loving, kind and just? He is. Does He love every person of this race of man He created (in His own image!) even though we are a disobedient and rebellious people? He does. So while He doesn't ever contradict Himself, and while I believe every thing He had written in His Book is true, I also believe there are things He knows that are not in that Book - things we in our finite minds could not begin to understand. And I don't see any reason why G-d, in His infinte wisdom and love, wouldn't have a plan for _all_ of His creation. In fact, I'm sure He does because He says He has known us all since before we were born.

Man has made a mess of this world. There's no denying that, and I think just about everyone would agree - things are a mess. Man's own inhumanity toward others is racing forward at a speed that is terrifying to think about. Depravity and wickedness flourish all over the earth. I can't blame G-d for that. In fact, its the willful absence of obedience to G-d that is at fault. We throw Him out, reject Him, and then wonder why life is like hell (and have the audacity to blame Him!).

But I digress. My new friend really gave me pause to think about sin, and how people view it. At the end of this thinking (and it is a lot of heavy thinking) I have come to the conclusion that sin is truly horrific, and that it separates us from G-d. And that makes me shake my head, because after all, that is what The Book said to begin with. Sin separated mankind from G-d. Christ came to reconcile man to G-d. How He goes about that thru all of time, and up to the time when He returns, and judgement - well, I think all things considered it is reasonable to leave that to Him. There are some things people just can't fully grok - even with all the knowledge, all the wisdom in the world, some things are beyond us.

"Who made the stars shine in the heavens, and the moon in the sky? Who commands their coming and going? Who makes the birds to fly, and the fish to swim, and takes pleasure and delight in His creation? It is the Lord God, the King of Israel, the wonderful Counselor, the Prince of Peace, the Mighty One. "

Posted by Sarah at 02:21 PM | Permalink

Some people have asked what is going on with Symantec. More specifically, with me with Symantec.

It's very smple. After getting half way thru an excellent performance review, and as I prepared to present some "critical" work, I was summoned to the local office and summarily dismissed.

It seemed a bit coincidental that I had just re-requested my medically-required flight upgrade (which had been taken off my record) just days before. it seemed even more coincidental that i had just booked my hotels and notified flights that i now would be traveling with my service dog, Bella.

in fact, it seemed so coincidental that i have to believe the reason they cut me was to cut the costs incurred in accomodating my disability. i was told as much by someone in upper management. it simply cost too much to fly me business class to the places i needed to go to do the work i was doing - work that no one else could do as well, but well, costs were costs.

this is just *wrong*.

i am not one to litigate. in fact, i hate such thigs, and would rather arrive at an agreement that avoided conflict. however, my requests to modify the severance agreement (requests that would allow me to work in this industry in a meaningful capacity) have been met with 'we aren't interested'. so, i didn't sign it.

so, i didn't get a severance package. yay.

its the principle of the thing really. promoting me as representing their committment to diversity, and then terminating me as soon as my accomodation cost them something is just not on. its one thing to talk about providing all of these things for employees; its another to actually do them. i needed some time off, for health reasons. i had put off taking it, for the benefit of the company, for months. project finally finished, things wrapped up, going to make use of those touted benefits and SLAM.

So that is what is going on. After being called to a meeting (a drive of over two hours) for what I thought was to finish my review, I was terminated. It was a long drive back home.

Now, I'm at RSA and I don't want to see anyone. Since this all happened, I have become increasingly distrustful of people in general. I just never expected this. I keep thinking it was some mistake, and that someone checked a box that got rid of my position without really knowing what I did, or that I really _needed_ that accomodation, I wasn't being whimsical. I keep thinking its all a bad dream. But I don't wake up.

I was told I did an excellent job - and I know I did. I was told I always delivered - and I know this is also true. I was told everything that said "i hate this, its wrong, i have no choice". Thing is, we always have a choice. Its just sometimes we have to choose to do things we don't want to do. I understand that.

We al have choices.

I, for example, chose to ignore a lot of inconsistencies. I can't do that anymore.

To everyone here at RSA who has asked me about the Thompson/Trilling act at the keynote: I had nothing to do with it. I don't work for Symantec.

Right now, I am a free agent.

Posted by Sarah at 10:46 AM | Permalink

in San Francisco. Today is supposed to be history-making here, where we are this week. The olympic torch is passing thru the city, and there will be political protests all around it, to bring atention to the bad things that are going on in Tibet. There are calls for the torch to not make it to Beijing; for boycotts of the Olympics being held in a place where basic human rights are so blatantly violated; for the President of the USA to not attend the opening ceremonies.

He never attends, so not attending would not be a big deal, I think. Attending would be a far bigger deal - bringing light to the darkness. The torch, the president, the olympics - all can bring light to the darkness. Maybe even, they can help bring Light to the darkness, which is, at the end of the day, the only thing that will stop the bad things.

Me, I just hope to stay out of the way of the riots. Richard having been sicker than I've ever seen him except twice in his life, yesterday was spent during the day in-room, so we didn't see Richard Gere or any of the protesting going on. I hear today will be so big that it will be impossible to miss.

Civil disobedience. Ok. Its brought attention to the issue. Now what? The world is watching? How do we make the bad things stop? Again, back to the only way. And I smile as I think of Lottie Moon.

Posted by Sarah at 11:58 AM | Permalink

can pop out suddenly, riding on the back of words said as matter of factly as "it is raining". "It's not like its all worth it in some mystical way. It's the worst thing that ever happened. If I could do one thing over, in my whole life, it would be that would have never happened". you can't change the past. but with any luck, you don't have to - with any luck at all, or more likely with G-ds grace, you don't have to change it to make it ok. Just seeing it for what it was is enough.

there are things i've done in my life that i have spent a lot of time trying to 'fix'; things i wish i hadn't done or said; places i wish i'd never gone ..its time they become the song they really are....

"in my life....i love you more".

Posted by Sarah at 07:03 PM | Permalink

Resurfacing could be putting on a new surface, or it could be coming up for air. Sometimes in order to get enough air, you need to dive in even deeper. So here I go.

All my tomorrows, all my life, Jesus is Lord of all.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

A lot has been happening since my last post. It is not quite the 'life life, don't blog' scenario, but close. Those who come here because they know me and want to get the general global update, well, they should be back up and running at least partially in the near future. If you don't know me and just happened by here because you are doing research on computer security, there are still lots of papers on the site about all that - its just not what I'm doing right now.

Me? I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

This is about resurfacing from the inside out.

Posted by Sarah at 11:13 PM | Permalink